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INTERNET SAFETY 101 We do all we can to keep our kids safe from physical harm. We have rules, guidelines, expectations, etc. all in place to make sure our kids are protected. However, our kids are very close to harm’s way right at this moment and many parents are unaware. This harm is found in the computers that our kids have access to on a daily basis. So I want to go over a few items that we as parents can do to protect our kids. We are naïve if we say that our kids aren’t going to access anything bad on the internet. A wise youth leader shared with me this summer that allowing a youth to have an unmonitored computer in their room is as bad as throwing Playboys/Playgirls in their lap and telling them to have a look. This is that serious. There are so many dangers on the internet that we must constantly educate ourselves to what our youth are seeing. So I want to give just a few simple recommendations that we should all put in place to protect our youth. 1. Public Access a. With the ability to access virtually anything in the world via the computer, to allow a young person to have private unmonitored access to a computer in the confines of their bedroom is so dangerous. As I said above, it’s just like throwing a playboy/or playgirl in their lap and telling them to have fun. It may seem convenient for your child’s school work, but I guarantee you that this could set your child up for harm. Countless young people become addicted to pornography, masturbation (sorry I had to say it), chat rooms, and more because of this. Moving the computer from a private to a public area is going to go a long way in leading your youth towards holiness and purity, both mentally and physically. This is also good for parents, who can also be tempted by these same pitfalls.
2.
Net Nanny
(www.netnanny.com)
– PLEASE DOWNLOAD THIS a. Net Nanny is an internet filtering software that gives parents control of what is accessed on the internet. Lyndsey and I downloaded it last night to see how it protects, and let me tell you, it is a must have. The cost is only $39.99 for a one year subscription----super cheap considering what it will do for your family. It is an additional $19.99 for extra computers in your house. All you do is download it (which only takes a couple minutes), and it takes care of the rest virtually by itself. Parents select a login password as well as an override password. If a questionable internet site is typed in or pops up, Net Nanny brings up a box that tells why the site is blocked. One must have the secret password to override the block. (Make sure it is a password your child cannot guess) Net Nanny also keeps a running report of what sites were blocked, what date, how many times, and for how long they were accessed. This report is also sent via email to the administrator of the account. It also has an option to block sites with chat rooms, another dangerous place on the internet. Net Nanny will hold your kids accountable, but as a husband I am also glad that my wife can hold me accountable and vice versa. Without this program, our kids have a good enough knowledge of the internet, how to clear history, and how to delete “cookies” that we would never know if they accessed questionable material. I strongly urge you to get this program today. 3. Facebook.com and MySpace.com a. Both of these sites are known by virtually every youth in the country. Facebook and MySpace are “social networking sites” in which a user creates a profile using an email address and password. Once a member of the site, youth can then search for their friends (or even strangers) and add them as their friends. Users can also post pictures of themselves as well as put up personal information such as email, birthday, age, etc on their profile. If used correctly, these sites can be very useful and fun, as well as a great way to keep up with friends. But they also can be dangerous avenues for sin and harm if not monitored by parents. b. It is my recommendation that if your youth is going to have a profile on either of these sites, you need to have your own personal profile. I can help you set it up if you need me to. Or your child can show you. They need to make you their friend so that you can view the material they have on their site. If they don’t want you to have this access, it may mean that there is questionable material on their profile. Questionable material may be distasteful pictures, explicit comments, lurid surveys that their friends can take (such as who is the best in bed), etc. The sites also have what is called a “wall” in which friends can post comments and send messages that are viewed by everybody. This wall is a good thing to monitor too. c. Parents also need to make sure that their teen’s Facebook or MySpace profile is set so that only their approved “friends” can view their profile….rather than it being open to all the public. Once they approve you as their friend, you can also see who their friends are. You should send “Friend Requests” to your youth’s friends so you can have access to their sites too J. d. Also monitor the username of your child to make sure it isn’t something that is questionable (sexual references, cuss words, etc) e. Youth might groan at the thought of this…but it is a privilege to have this type of account on the computer…not a right. Privacy is good…but not when it can lead the person into sin and harm. As parents, this is the right thing to do, and if we aren’t monitoring these things, we are falling down on our job. 4. Chat Rooms a. Chat rooms are an evolved form of the bulletin board. They began as simple sites where users could post questions and comments and wait for responses. Then they moved to a “real-time” approach in which users could chat with a group or one on one. While chat sites can be fun and entertaining, it is also an avenue for great danger. Nobody knows who your youth really is or what age they are. They can make up a new life for themselves and behave in a way that they have never behaved before. It can be a dangerous fantasy world….and kids have gotten kidnapped, raped, and murdered through unmonitored access to chat rooms. b. My recommendation would be to not allow your youth in a chat room website. Facebook allows chatting, but this is somewhat controlled because they can only chat with approved friends, which I hope you are monitoring. But most chat rooms are open to anybody and allow users to move to private chat rooms so that others cannot see what goes on. Net Nanny can be used to prohibit these sites from being accessed. c. Also monitor the username of your child to make sure it isn’t something that is questionable (sexual references, cuss words, etc) d. One of the biggest things you can do is simply talk to your youth about these chat sites and let them know your feelings, rules, and boundaries. I want to give our youth the benefit of the doubt, but I also don’t want to be naïve to the point that they get hurt. 5. Instant Message Programs a. AOL Instant Messenger, Yahoo Messenger, Etc. are also popular downloaded programs that youth use to chat with others. As a teenager, I had dozens of friends that I was able to stay in contact with via AOL Instant Messenger. It is a very fun way to communicate. I even used it when Lyndsey and I were dating to find out if she liked meJ. It is a fun program that can be harmless. b. But this is another time where youth are unmonitored in their communication with others. These programs have to be downloaded to the computer, so if you do not want your child to have access to them, simply remove them from your computer by going to “Control Panel”, “Add/Remove Programs”, and select that program to remove. c. Other ideas for monitoring usage of Instant Messaging are to keep track of who their friends are. Also, simply talking to them and giving them your expectations is one thing that helps. d. What is also dangerous about Instant Messaging as well as Chat Rooms is that web cams can be used to send live video footage/pictures to anybody in the world. Keep an eye on the usage of web cams and remove them if they are a problem. 6. Cell Phone Internet Access a. I don’t have a huge knowledge base about this, but I would recommend that internet not be available on your child’s phone. They can wait to get home to check their email or Facebook. Nothing is so pressing at this point in their life that this is a necessity. If you monitor the home computer, put a filter on it, move it to a public place, but don’t have the ability to monitor what your child has access to on their internet phone, it’s all for naught. My recommendation to protect this area of your child’s life is just simply not to have internet on the phone. b. You also need to talk to your youth about the things they send and receive via text messages on their phone. I have had to deal with youth in the past who have sent pictures of their own body parts to another friend’s phone. With the age of camera and video phones, anything can be seen now. This is difficult to monitor, but what we can do is parents is lay out specific guidelines for text messaging as well as periodically look in our child’s cell phone at their text message in and out box as well as the pictures and videos stored in their phones. c. This isn’t going to far….this isn’t violating their privacy. Remember, cell phone ownership is not a right….it’s a privilege, and it needs to be monitored by parents. That is our job, and again, it is a good way to teach our youth accountability and holiness. 7. General Thoughts a. The word parent in its original context means “protector”. As parents we will have to step on our child’s toes sometimes in order to protect them. Sometimes we will need to say no when they really want to have access to things on the internet. b. We need to constantly stay educated to online trends, websites, and programs. c. Have an open relationship with your child in which you talk about the things they see, hear, and access. d. Talk to your child about posting personal information and the dangers of that. e. “Sixty percent of kids with online access have created online content. And of those 70 percent are teenage girls.” (cbsnews.com) f. We do need to respect our child’s privacy to a certain extent. So if you stumble upon something that you weren’t supposed to see that is potentially harmful, this is a delicate situation. Say something to the effect of “I’m sorry that I ran across this, but it’s something we have to deal with.” g. Do all of this out of love and a desire to see your child live a life of holiness and purity. Feel free to send this out to other parents who would find it useful. We must step up and take action when it comes to internet usage. I would hope that most of our teens are not doing anything questionable. But for those who are it can be a dangerous road into much deeper sin and trouble. The things they do right now shape who they are for the rest of their life. Let’s help set them up for success, even if it means stepping on their toes a little along the way. Thank you for helping me minister to your child.
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